Friday, March 19, 2010

Tony Kornheiser is a Jackass

(Note: Since the below events took place, Lance Armstrong got in touch with Tony Kornheiser and they planned to chat about the whole bike and car debate on some liveblog. That took place while I was writing the post, although I did bot become aware of it until after I first published this post (my timing blows), still everything below is relevent, and you should still tell ESPN that Kornheiser is a dick).

Up until reading this story I had no problems with Tony Kornheiser. His commentary on Monday Night Football was decent (better than that skidmark known as Dennis Miller), and his PTI podcast on ESPN was a good enough way to waste 25 minutes and get caught up on the world of sports. But now he has turned into a bad caricature of a grumpy old man. It started a few weeks ago when on air he chimed in with his two cents about how his co-worker Hannah Storm looked like a go-go dancer. Fresh off of his suspension, Kornheiser continued acting the part of the crusty old man when he reacted to news about how part of Pennsylvania Ave in DC would be used in the future only for 1.)Presidential Inaguarations, and 2.) for pedestrians, and cyclist.

Kornheiser and his jackass radio co-hosts start going off about how much they hate cyclists, don't want them on the road, and to top it all off advocated "running"them over. Now I'm not positive, one of his co-hosts who has plenty of stupid commentary himself sounded like Ryan Russillo (who does and NBA podcast and is on the Scott Van Pelt Show on ESPNRadio, I know this because I listened to his words of wisdom for the NCAA tournie, and my brakcett is now in the shitter, what an asshole). Anyway here are a couple of quotes from the radio show (with my response thrown in for good measure):

"the roads were made for automobiles" (Kornheiser) - they were made for both cars and bicycles, fuck off
"this will be dominated like Beijing with hundreds of thousands of bicyclists" (Kornheiser) - If you get 100,000 people on bikes in DC, I would drop dead from the shock
"its all you can do to not run them down like Wyl E. Coyote" (Kornheiser) - Last I checked the Coyote always sucked at running down the Roadrunner, so go ahead try to be like the Coyote, you will probably hurt yourself, once again, Fuck Off
"gotta look at their filthy package ... bulging" (Other guy) - Thanks for taking the time to look at my balls, but you should probably pay more attention to the road
"i dont take my car and ride on the sidewalk" (Kornheiser) - I bet after you go on a drinking binge after getting fired from ESPN for saying this shit, you might drive your car onto a sidewalk
"they are crunchy granola and they want us to save the world" (Other Guy) - i dont eat granola, i eat pizza and drink beer, and as far as saving the world, I think its too far gone.
"they dare you to run them down" (Kornheiser) - Last I checked there isn't a jersey produced that says "I dare you to run me down" on it. FUCK OFF
"so you tap them, im not saying kill them, just tap them" (Kornheiser) - I once had a driver "tap" me, and trust me, if i hadn't been strapped down to a stretcher, I would have tried to beat the ever living shit out of the drive. "Tapping" someone with a car is not pleasent, that is like say "just clip their wing" with that 9 mm handgun.
"if your not rubbing your not racing" (Kornheiser) - thanks for quoting days of Thunder, I hope you choke while trying to drink a Mello Yellow, please Go Fuck Yourself.
"tell them to take METRO, we have a subway system that works" (Other Guy) - I've been on the DC metro, I prefer my bike
"i dont think i own it, i own it, i have a large powerful car compared to your bike" (Kornheiser) - Wow, the only thing missing from this sentence is some sort of racial slur to put Kornheiser into the "totally bat shit crazy" category, GO FUCK YOURSELF, THEN FUCK OFF!!!!

Feel free to listen to the entire rant by clicking this link, just be warned, you might want to have something that you can throw nearby. Now since 2005 I have had a wish that Lance Armstrong would have just rode off into the sunset doing nothing but raising money for his various cancer charities, and plowing his way through blonde celebrities. That never happened, but Lance stuck it to Kornheiser and ESPN on this one. He used his world famous Twitter account to let all of his followers now how to let the powers that be tell ESPN what a douche Kornheiser is. I never thought I'd say this, but thanks for getting this out to the masses Lance. I will cheer for you for one day of a race this year where I promise not to think about all the EPO you most likely used as a way of saying thanks.

Contact ESPN 980 (the Washington station Kornheiser spews his bullshit on)

So please click the link above and tell ESPN that Kornheiser needs to take a little more time off to get his head on straight. The other wrinkle here is that with the current DC mayor (a cyclist himself) trying to get the 2012 Giro to start in DC, will this incident give DC the appearance of not being cycling friendly, resulting in the Giro organizers ducking out of the deal? I doubt that the Giro would change their plans based on some idiot's rant on a radio show, but you never know with these thing today. Well I'm off to show off my "bulging package" in some "shiny shorts", and "dare a car to run me over" during my bike ride, I just hope Kornheiser is still in DC and no where near Montana.

1 comment:

  1. This asswipe is promoting pre-meditated murder. He should go to jail and enjoy all the benefits and privileges coming to him.