For those of you who follow the world of cycling, you know that Tom Boonen has turned out to be a bigger fan of the booger sugar than we originally thought. Apparently homeboy tested positive three times in the past couple years, but he never got a full on two year suspension because according to the powers that be, coke is not that bad if you are using it out of competition. I'm not surprised that a 20 something guy who lives in Europe, has boatloads of dough, rock star status, a pet donkey, and a techno song written about him likes the drugs. But now Tomke's house of cards is starting to tumble, the man who could rock your socks off in the classics, and duke it out with the best sprinters, has been suspended, and once again isn't welcome in France this July.
Now I'm no drug counselor, and have never used the Colombian BAM BAM, but I feel like I could help Tomke to keep his nose powder free. He says hes not addicted, just that hes made some mistakes. For now I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, and just offer some advice that came to me earlier this day. The first thing Tomke needs to do is rent True Romance with Christian Slater. If that movie can teach you anything its cocaine will lead to someone being stabbed in the foot with a corkscrew, and someone losing an eye. I'm just spit ballin here, but I doubt you'll worthwhile in a sprint with only one eye and a hole in your foot.
Once Tomke's done with True Romance he should read Darryl Stawberry's book. The Straw talks about how much crack and cocaine ruined his life, and lead him towards jail. When I was in middle school and The Straw made a comeback with the Yankees, and all I remember hearing about was how drugs ruined his life. It scared me straight, I was petrified of crack and cocaine, all because I thought if I used them I would wind up like The Straw. Hopefully the book and the movie will get Tomke to keep his nose clean, if not then maybe he needs his grandmother to give him a good smack upside the head, that always works for me.